Vending machines are EVIL
by Rogue Pryde
Summary: Have you ever got your snack STUCK in the machine? Well, the X-men never back down from a challenge!


Okay this fic is REALLY different from what I usually write, but I am in a silly mood and I'm going to write a silly fic. This is about the X-men, the Brotherhood . . . . and a vending machine. Enjoy!

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"Hey Scott!" Jean waved goodbye to her friends, and jogged towards her unofficial boyfriend, hugging her books against her chest. "Are you ready to go?" She brushed her hair back, behind her ear, looking at him expectantly.

"Yeah." He shut his locker and spun the dial. "We're giving Rogue and Kitty a ride too. They said they'd meet us at the car." He reached towards him and she handed him her books. He opened his mouth, ready to make some kind of small talk, when he caught sight of the vending machine next to the pop machines. "Wait just one sec." He handed her the books, held up a finger, and took two quick steps before pulling a dollar out of his pocket. "They haven't had cheez-its in weeks." He explained, sliding the bill into the slot.

Jean shook her head. "I swear, you're just like a kid when it comes to those things."

He flashed her a smile. "Don't tell the team, it'll ruin my image."

"Your secret's safe with me." She grinned, walking over to stand next to him. "C5" She said, pointing to the keypad. Obediently, he punched in the combination. The change fell audibly down to the lowest slot, and Scott bent to retrieve it. After pocketing it, he reached for the bag. It wasn't there.

"What the . . ." His voice trailed off as he looked up.

Jean giggled. "Bad luck fearless leader." The bag was stuck securely on the metal spiral that had held it in place. "Come on, the girls are probably waiting."

He shot her a look. "Do you have another dollar?"

She held her hands up, spreading her fingers to show how empty they were. "Not a cent on me."

He turned his attention back to the machine. "It's not 'that' stuck, maybe if I . . ." His voice trailed off. Securing his footing, he placed one hand on the side of the machine and the other on top. With all the strength he could muster, he tilted it, shaking it in an effort to loosen the snack.

He stopped abruptly as a loud BEEP sounded throughout the hall. He looked glanced around hurriedly, hoping no one had seen. Fifteen odd students stared back at him, looks of confused disgust on their face. Jean glanced at her nails, pretending not to know the student manhandling the machine. He pointedly ignored everyone, turning his attention back to the task at hand. Eventually the students forgot about him, and trickled out in two's or three's as everyone headed home for the day.

Once everyone was gone, Jean shot him a pointed look. "That was not the smartest thing you've ever done, Scott."

He shook his head. "Nope, probably not." He studied the container. "You know, it's not that high up . . ." He let his voice fade, as he scanned the room. "There!"

"Scott, put down the ruler." Jean made her voice condescending, as if she was talking to a child.

He let his frustration show. "I'm not going to hit the dumb thing! I'm going to stick it up the hole to see if I can reach far enough to knock it loose."

"Do I even want to know?" The two teens whirled to find a thoroughly disgusted Lance standing behind them, backpack in hand. "You guys have twisted ways of spending you 'alone time'."

"Shut up, Alvers." Scott glared, gesturing towards the machine. "I'm trying to get my cheez-it's out of that stupid piece of crap."

Lance peeked over his shoulder. "Dude, that sucks."

Scott shot him an irritated look. "I _know._"

"Why don't you just give up already, Scott?" Jean shifted from one foot to the other, impatiently. "This isn't exactly something important."

"_Jean._" Scott began, but it ended in a shrug. "I paid for those." He said simply. "I'm going to eat them."

With that, he sank to his knees, bending over and sticking the arm holding the ruler in as far as it would go. "It's not . . . far . . . enough." His face was turning red with the effort. Finally he withdrew his hand. "If I was a little bit skinnier, maybe it would work."

"Let me try." Lance offered, taking the ruler without waiting for the X-man to agree. "I bet I can get it higher than you did, Summers."

He did, but still didn't quite manage to reach the bag of crackers. He let his arm sink in defeat. "The ruler's not going to work, got another plan genius?"

Scott ignored him. "Jean, you're the skinniest, give it a go."

"Why suuuure Scott. Thanks for asking." Jean muttered sarcastically, practically yanking the stick from Lance. 

It was no use. She could touch the very bottom of the bag, but just barely. Standing up, she dusted herself off. "NOW will you give up?" She demanded, but neither boy seemed to have heard her. 

"Did you try shaking it?" Lance asked, eyeing the machine critically.

"That was the first thing I did. Some kind of alarm went off, scared the crap out of me." Scott answered, crossing his arms in concentration.

"That's cause you're a pansy. You should have kept shaking." Clenching his fists, Avalanche forced the ground beneath the vending machine to heave, just enough to give it a good shake. There was a long string of various beeps but the bag hadn't budged.

"Now who's a pansy?" Scott asked dryly.

"Hey, at least I wasn't scared of the alarm." Lance defended himself.

They glared at each other briefly, but turned back to the machine almost simultaneously. Jean threw up her hands in frustration. "Would you guys listen to yourselves? You've obsessing over some stupid snack food!"

"There they are!" Kitty's voice could be heard from the end of the hall. "What are you guys doing?" She demanded, Rogue in tow.

"His crackers got stuck." Lance explained. Both girls nodded in understanding.

"Have ya tried hitting it?" Rogue offered.

"We shook it, but there were alarms, and it didn't do any good anyway." Scott sighed.

"Well, hitting's a little different." Kitty surmised. She walked up the machine and smacked it as hard as she could on the side. "Ow! That hurt!" Rogue rolled her eyes, but was smiling. Lance immediately grabbed her hand protectively, using it as an excuse to keep holding hands.

"Wait! Ah have some money!" The goth stuck a hand in her pocket. She withdrew the change. "Well, fifteen cents anyway."

Scott's face lit up. "I have the change from my dollar. Thirty five plus fifteen . . . Okay, so fifty cents. That's not enough."

"Not for the crackers." Kitty pulled her hand away from Lance and moved to stand in front of the machine. "But you could probably buy something else and try to knock them down. The whole top row is all for fifty cents."

"Go for the cheeto's." Rogue advised. "Ah'll eat them if it doesn't work."

Scott shrugged and started putting in the money.

"No way man, you have to do the snickers." Lance pointed for emphasis. "The cheeto's aren't very heavy, even if you DO hit the crackers it won't be enough to knock it loose. You gotta go for something heavy."

"Not bad Alvers." Scott hit the appropriate buttons. "You might actually have a brain somewhere in that head of yours."

"You're a riot Summers." The hood watched with everyone else as the candy bar started to fall. It hit the bag, but merely bounced off before falling all the way down.

"That's like, so annoying! How can it be so stuck!" Kitty demanded, glaring at the offending snack.

Scott kicked the machine, but nothing happened except for another beeping sound. "Who wants the snickers?" He asked finally, turning towards Lance.

"Don't look at me." He held up his hands. "I can't stand them." The two boys looked at the girls.

"Me neither." Kitty shook her head. "It's too sweet."

"Ah don't like nuts." Rogue explained.

"It has more calories than a bowl of cereal." Jean snapped. "Of course I'M not going to eat it."

Defeated, Scott pulled it out and set it on the floor next to the ruler. "Wait!" He picked up the stick. "Kitty, you're skinnier than Jean, why don't you try knocking it loose with the ruler?"

"Like, sure!" She accepted the proffered stick.

"Scott!" Jean glowered, outraged.

"What?" He was addressing her, but his eyes stayed on the machine. Letting out a cry of frustration, Jean resigned herself to being a bystander . . . just until they got the stupid crackers. Than she'd give him a piece of her mind.

"Almost." Kitty strained, pushing her arm up as far as she dared. "Nope, it's not working. I can't get it up anymore."

"Try Kitty!" Scott was getting annoyed. "I don't want to hear excuses, just do it."

"Who do you think you are? Some kind of nike ad? I CAN'T do it, Scott. My arm's not long enough." Kitty glared, pulling her arm out from the machine, tossing the ruler at his feet. "You'll just have to think of something else."

"Hey! Snickers!" Pietro zoomed through, snatching the candy bar from the floor. "Is this anybody's?" Without waiting for an answer, he unwrapped it and took a bite.

"No, help yourself." Rogue drawled.

"Don't mind if I do." He hurriedly ate the rest, letting the wrapper fall to floor. "So Lance, bud, what are you doing? We're going crazy waiting at the car. Well," he corrected. "I'M going crazy. Toad doesn't seem to care that Fred is eating out of the garbage cans, he's too busy zapping flies. Frankly, it's enough to turn my stomach." He gave them all a pitiful look.

"I'll go as soon as we get this dumb bag of cheez-its out of the stupid machine." He gestured rudely. "It's stuck."

"Have you tried," Pietro began.

"YES!" Everyone chorused.

"Why doesn't your fearless leader zap a hole in it?" The speedster continued, irritated at the interruption.

"Because he doesn't want to get expelled!" Scott answered, setting his jaw.

"Oh please." Rogue smacked her forehead. "What is with guys and talking in the third person?"

Everyone ignored her. "Well, it's not MY fault you're a coward." Pietro insisted, crossing his arms. "I guess you'll have to do without."

"You give up to easy." Scott answered, still staring at the machine. He stayed that way for a full minute. Finally, Kitty broke the silence.

"Uh, Scott?" She took a step towards him, hesitantly. "You're not going to get the stuff by staring at it y'know."

He sighed. "It was worth a try." Everyone deadpanned. "Okay, let's go." No one moved though, all seemed reluctant to give up. Finally, Jean threw up her hands.

"Let's GO everyone!" Eventually, everyone started moving towards the exit.

"Oh! Wait!" Kitty ran back, sticking her arm in the pop machine next to the vending one. "I need a drink for the ride home, I'm dying of thirst."

She produced the pop, smiling, only to face the glares of her teammates and friends. "What?"

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Okay, that's just me being silly late at night. Whatever. I hate vending machines. (All of these things have been TRIED, and failed. And more, but I'm too tired to write everything. Ta ta)


End file.
